Atobe on Relationships
by Judge Claude Frollo
Summary: Atobe tells pretty much everyone in the world about the scoop on the Silver Pair and Dirty Pair.


**Atobe on Relationships**

"God, Atobe, stop putting makeup on!" said Shishido, "You're a guy! Get over yourself!"

Shishido wanted to say that Atobe didn't need makeup he looked fine the way he was. Of course, he didn't say that because, really, Atobe's ego was stroked enough.

"Shishido-san, that's not nice. We should let Atobe-san do what makes him happy." said Ootori, frowning. "Even if it makes him look like a darn psychopath," he added quietly.

"But Choutarou!"

Ootori was looking pointedly at Shishido.

"Fine," said Shishido, giving up, "You owe me,"

Now Ootori was smiling sweetly, or maybe smirking. It was weird. "Of course, Shishido-san,"

-

"If I don't make it out of this class alive... I love you, Yuushi... I always have...." said Mukahi dramatically, and Atobe would have rolled his eyes if he wasn't Atobe Keigo.

"Dying a tedious death is unfit for a Hyotei regular," said Atobe, "at least die in class and mystery."

Mukahi snorted. "You think you're so mysterious, but you're just transparent!" said Mukahi. "You look ugly today, by the way! Your hair sticks out in random directions, it's gray, you look like an old man, you need a tan, you don't have glasses, you need to get taller and you're not Yuushi!"

"Gakuto, just go to class already," said Oshitari.

"I love you, my sweet!"

This time, Atobe finally did roll his eyes. He had to wonder how Oshitari dealt with this every single day.

X

"If you're going to put this on Boobtube, you're going to have to make a speech about me," said Atobe bitterly, crossing his arms.

The person speaking rolled his eyes. What did he do to deserve this? It was unfair! He had a future - he could have been a garbage man in America, where they paid in dollars! Anything but being Fuji Syuusuke's Personal Slave was fine! He would even do porn... Okay, maybe not.

If you guessed the person speaking was Ryoma who was wearing a mask and a blond wig, then yes, you are correct. Man, you are smart!

"And everyone let us thank this generous and gorgeous Atobe Keigo who will bless us with his wonderful voice and give us the scoop on the love lives of the Hyotei regulars! He is such an awesome guy, huh?" said Ryoma flatly.

Why did Fuji have to make Atobe sound like a damn saint?

"I shall begin this with my life story," said Atobe. Obviously, a long speech was coming up and no one shall be spared. Hey, did Atobe hang out with Shinji too much? Because when he ended his rant, he was talking about sporks, of all things.

Geez.

"So, what can you say about the Silver Pair?"

Atobe froze. "They don't matter. Now as you all know, I will be having a tennis match on-"

Ryoma didn't have much patience. His scalp was aching and itching, Atobe was annoying and nauseating, and the Prince of Tennis did not deserve this! "Look, I don't want to be here, so just talk about your stupid lovey-dovey couples already."

Atobe snorted. This old man was rude. "How dare you talk to me like that!" said Atobe, "You will treat me with respect!"

"Whatever," said Ryoma.

Atobe realized the only way to get out of this stupid place was to talk about Shishido and Ootori and their hot, steamy and illicit love affair. So he made things up as he went along:

"Shishido and Ootori were star-crossed lovers. You see, they fell in love in a party, and their families did not approve. Alas, things were too hard and Shishido had a failed attempt at suicide. Ootori killed himself soon after. Of course, upon realizing Ootori was dead, Shishido stabbed himself with a tennis racket. It was later revealed Shishido didn't try to commit suicide. He just ate too much cheese sandwiches."

"That sounds like Ryo and Junnosuke,"

"Pardon me?"

"The male, Japanese version of Romeo and Juliet,"

They were silent.

And then, "So how about this Oshitari and Mukahi guy?"

"Well, Mukahi was a pauper boy, and he heard of a new gay bar opening. He went there, to find a princess to kidnap. No such luck there, although he found Oshitari, a tennis player from a far away land. He found himself smitten, and he ran away. He left his underwear, and it was easy to track him down then."

Of course, Ryoma knew Atobe was lying, but didn't care because he was too lazy to force the truth out of Atobe.

And Ryoma said: "In conclusion, what do you think will happen to them years from now?"

And so Atobe said to that: "Oshitari and Mukahi will break up with and then kill each other in two weeks, tops."

"And Shishido and Ootori?"

"They'll have seven grandchildren."

"You said they committed suicide."

"Oh, did I?"

"Yes,"

"Let's play tennis."

"You can't beat me. I'm the Prince of Tennis."

"Don't delude yourself."

X

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ATOBE?" screamed Shishido.

"What?" Atobe raised an eyebrow.

"THIS!" Shishido pointed at the screen. A video of Atobe's interview on Boobtube was on the screen.

Atobe was speechless, for once.

"FUCK YOU! I'M NOT GAY, AND NEITHER IS CHOUTAROU! HE'S BI AND I'M JUST INDULGING HIM, GODDAMN IT!"

"You don't like me, Shishido-san?"

"..."

"!!"

X

The next day, Inoue came to interview Mukahi and Oshitari and was surprised to find that Shishido and Ootori were alive, and not poisoned or stabbed. And then more reporters came, even one from America.

X

"Ne, Yuushi, we're really getting famous, huh?"

"It seems we are,"

"I think we should break up, Yuushi."

"We were never together Gakuto."

"Oh, whatever,"

**FIN**

One, I have no idea who Junnosuke and Ryo are, only that they are Japanese pop idols. My classmate always mentions their names, along with this Kame and Jin guy. I fail for not knowing who they are. I am really sorry, but don't their names sound almost like 'Romeo and Juliet' when said together? Forgive me. T_________T

Two, this is a big disappointment, isn't it? I'm really sorry. I let you down, but I finished it? I don't see a good side to this, really. But I hope you do.

Three, I feel bad and I know I will seriously cringe when I read this years from now.

Four, this is a challenge by HaveYouNoMercy. The genius plot is all thanks to her and the one to blame is me for not presenting it well.


End file.
